


Love Indefinitely

by honey_cakes



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: F/M, Liam is a puppy, M/M, Multi, This is kind of depressing, Zayn is a slut, a lot depressing, and hey, at least for me, bye, it's completed!, kind of, mentions of Zerrie - Freeform, you don't know how hard it is for me to complete stuff
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-01-20
Updated: 2016-01-20
Packaged: 2018-05-15 03:58:13
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,705
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5770390
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/honey_cakes/pseuds/honey_cakes
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Love is high cheekbones, plump lips, dark hair and hazel eyes. Love is the beating of his heart and knowing the feeling of hopelessness. Love is the inhale and exhale of smoke, slowly killing him. Love is watching his best friend from afar and thinking how much he is in love.</p><p>Love is waiting, waiting even though he knows it will never be.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Love Indefinitely

**Author's Note:**

> This is the second time I'm posting this. This one is with paragraph spacing (I think?) because the first time I posted this it was a mess and I hated it. 
> 
> Buuut, I got too lazy and it's different from the original *siiiiigh* so just bear with me on this. But if anyone is interested in reading it the way it WAS, here's the link.  
> http://archiveofourown.org/works/5770390

 Love is high cheekbones, plump lips, dark hair and hazel eyes. Love is the beating of his heart and knowing the feeling of hopelessness. Love is the inhale and exhale of smoke, slowly killing him. Love is watching his best friend from afar and thinking how much he is in love.  


Love is waiting, waiting even though he knows it will never be.

***  

January rolls around after a wistful December of Zayn and Perrie getting engaged. And Liam is not sure how exactly that came to be because he knows Zayn. 

He knows Zayn from the corner of his eyes, knows Zayn from the tips of his fingers to the very depths of his blood. Knows Zayn from up close and too, too far away. Knows from nights of waiting for Zayn to come home which mostly ends with Zayn stumbling in, snogging some bloke or girl at the early hours of morning and so if he is a little too certain that Zayn is not the kind of person to settle down, no one can blame him.

Zayn is made for people to love him, not to hand out love to others and Liam just doesn’t understand, doesn’t understand ZaynandPerrie cause somehow that’s what just Zayn has become. ZaynandPerrie. 

It sits like heartache in Liam’s chest. 

*** 

February begins with a vodka bottle and the sound of Zayn’s voice as he drifts into oblivion in some blonde blokes embrace. It’s not a good way to begin a month, or anything, really. 

And Liam has never regretted his decision to room with Zayn more than he did then. 

*** 

March is spent much the same way. By then, Zayn smokes like his life depends on it and one night, one drunk night when it is dark and cold in their sitting room and the two of them are slumped on their couch, Zayn breaks. 

Zayn has his head on Liam’s lap, his face turned away from Liam and his fingers rubbing circles on Liam’s thigh. Liam struggles to breathe and his hand is a gentle breeze in Zayn’s hair, teetering on the edge of there and not there. 

Liam feels Zayn’s sobs rather than hear them. He feels the tightening of Zayn’s fingers on the fabric of his jeans, digging in, grounding him, so that he doesn’t break along with Zayn. 

Liam knows Zayn. He knows Zayn has things he doesn’t talk about, things he know about. Things that would be hard not to know after ten long years of friendship. Those things that Zayn doesn’t talk about has become things that ZaynandLiam doesn’t talk about, and Liam feels selfish, feels bad but he would take a ZaynandLiam in whichever way he can. 

He would take from Zayn only which he gives. He would take and take unless it becomes enough.

But what if there isn’t an enough to the way Liam wants Zayn? 

*** 

April comes with laughter in the form of an Irish lad with a personality too bright to be held in one single entity so he spreads it, spreads it around, filling other people from the inside out and Liam might just forget.

He might forget the way the headboard of Zayn’s bed, directly next to his room, pounds against the thin wall, day and night, it seems. He might forget the way Zayn wraps his arm around Perrie a Monday morning after their night of close to no slumber. And he might forget the way Zayn stumbled in drunk with another girl that very Monday night. 

And he just might forget the curling, coiling snake wrapped around his heart in the form of love for a boy he is not allowed to have. 

He might forget the feeling of weightlessness that comes from loving Zayn.

*** 

Liam is wrapped around Niall come May. But there is a feeling in the pits of his stomach, in the crooks of his bones, in the liquid of his blood and everywhere in his whole fucking heart and he just cant. He can’t be with someone else when all he feels on his fingertips and heart is Zaynzaynzayn.

Niall laughs when he tells him, a loud uncontained guffaw that is just Niall. Warm and loving and accepting. 

And Liam feels the warmth and absorbs it as it radiates off Niall’s body and coil around his own.

Niall smiles when he tells him that.  

*** 

June is planning. Planning for ZaynandPerries wedding.

Perrie is there every moment of the day, a constant fixture in Zayn and Liam’s flat. And Liam’s heart aches more than ever cause this might just be what the future would look like when Zayn and Perrie gets married. Or this might not be it at all. Zayn might just move out after getting married. 

The thought leaves a bitter taste on Liam’s tongue and a sour feeling in his chest.

Zayn is already so far away, he cannot lose even more of Zayn. He just can’t. 

*** 

July prevails upon a fight with Perrie thus pushing back the wedding also.

Zayn is drinking and Liam, Liam is just there as he has always been, next to him, his hand on Zayn’s bicep, for once not holding back and instead taking as Zayn mumbled about his too weak mother, dying sister and the father that is out there fighting the wrong war. 

Zayn is talking about the things they don’t talk about, that he never talks about and Liam, Liam’s pleased. Pleased that Zayn is talking to him about this because Zayn never talks about this and he feels so guilty because these are the things that hurts Zayn to talk about. And he’s taking pleasure from it. 

There’s a ball of disgust in his stomach, weighing down heavily.

“He should be fighting alongside Safa, against cancer, not against fucking North Korea.” Zayn’s face moves closer to Liam’s, his eyes darks and hooded. “Fuck him. Fuck Cancer. Fuck fucking North Korea.” He moves closer again. “Just fuck!” his lips are a breathe away from Liam’s.

And Liam, he’s frozen. He’s just frozen. And he’s still frozen when Zayn whispers on his lips, a ghost of a whisper, really, because by then Zayn is kissing Liam. 

“Fuck….” 

  


When Liam wakes up, Zayn is not there and he questions whether Zayn really kissed him. 

He questions his own sanity.

*** 

When July ends and August begins, Liam and Zayn are tiptoeing around each other. Well, mostly Zayn is and Liam is confused. Liam at first thought that Zayn didn’t remember with how much he drank that night. But then Liam realizes, because he knows Zayn, knows Zayn better than he knows anything else. Zayn knows, Zayn remembers, he is just ignoring it like he always do, something comes up he didn’t want to deal with, brush it under the mat and stomp on it until it’s no more.

Except this time, Liam cannot let it be. Because Liam is so in love with Zayn and he, that kiss, it gives him hope. Hope that it’s not just Liam and maybe that Zayn is willing to give more to Liam.

Because whatever Zayn gives Liam, he will take. 

*** 

September is when ZaynandLiam first sleep together. 

It is nothing more than drunken breathes, sweaty bodies against each other and somehow, against odds with the circumstances and how it happens, soft, tender kisses on each other’s skin and it is just so so so… 

And Liam, after it happens, expects more and he gets it. Zayn calls of the wedding and breaks up with Perrie and he takes Liam out on a date. And everything is amazing, and beautiful and not the way Liam thought it would be. Everything is so much more than he thought it would be, so so much more. 

And it hits Liam like fireworks. He finally has Zayn. He can touch him without holding back, can kiss him when he feels like it and he can definitely try to swoop Zayn off his feet and he couldn’t be happier. 

He couldn’t be happier. 

***

October is overwhelming and disastrous. 

The first few days, with LiamandZayns dates and snogging and beautiful, wonderful sex, nothing could be better. Except it all fades to black when one day Liam comes home to a tangle of curly hair, blue eyes and Zayn in the middle of it and right in the center of ZaynandLiams sitting room.

And when the curly haired dude and the short curvy blue eyed twink separates from Zayn and they leave, all Liam can do is stare, stare and stare at the raven haired boy who he calls his boyfriend now, sits, still naked on their couch.

Liam cannot speak, he feels his chest tighten with hurt and love and it is such a strange combination of emotions that Liam can barely stand or speak. 

Zayn is staring back at him with empty eyes and he opens his mouth to speak but Liam already knows, knows what he’s going to say because he knows Zayn so well. 

And he thought he could take whatever Zayn gave him, but it seems he can’t take it all. He can’t take the bitter taste of Zayn cheating and he definitely can’t take the empty eyes Zayn has directed at him. 

So he runs. 

*** 

November is spent at bars, dancing with random blokes and at times Niall, avoiding Zayn cause he just can’t take it. He can’t take having to deal with not having Zayn after he had him. He just can’t.

And for the first time, it hurts that Zayn is made for others to love him, and he not to love anyone. 

*** 

December, Zayn seeks Liam out on his own and Liam is shocked. Zayn hasn’t wanted him for a whole month and now he suddenly does and Liam, being Liam couldn’t help but surrender to Zayn cause Liam is made like that, to love Zayn indefinitely. 

In the morning, Zayn leaves Liam, maybe this time for good, Liam doesn’t know and he doesn’t ask because Zayn is made like that.

Zayn is made for others to love him and him to love no one. 

And if it hurts, it’s no one’s fault but his own that he loves Zayn so, so… 

  



End file.
